The Ultimate Guide To Being Petty

Pettiness is a lifestyle. Nothing compares to the satisfaction when you know you have successfully blown something out of proportion that didn’t need to be (oops am I being petty?). Confronting the problem right away can easily solve the problem, but what’s the fun in that? Instead of speaking up, just let all the emotions you have linger then take unnecessary jabs at the issue. It’s like when you’re fishing, the fish knows the food is there but it takes small bites out of the bait instead of grabbing the whole thing (did I just compare being petty to fishing? Yeah I’m weird). But it’s true, people sub-tweet on twitter, or make an Instagram caption about someone all the time instead of @-ing them or picking up the phone to confront the person. But honestly, petty twitter fights are what makes your twitter followers refresh the page every second. Some people just don’t know how to take the pettiness and need a petty pad, (I just made that up, it’s like a maxi pad but for the pettiness to be absorbed up into). The word petty suddenly blew up over the past year, and I think it’s because people found the word to describe what they are. However, let’s get to the point… I am writing this for you because I believe pettiness is the ultimate self-defense mechanism. How else are you supposed to protect yourself in this cruel world? If you know you are wrong in the moment (scratch that), NO you are actually RIGHT, and you BE PETTY, be petty till you die! You MUST ramble on about how right you are and how what you’re saying makes sense, even if it doesn’t… eventually, You. Will. Be. Right. At that moment you will have achieved successful pettiness. The key factor to all of this is CONFIDENCE. How can you be petty without confidence? You can’t. You must always be prepared and ready. Make sure you know ALL information surrounding the issue, because that is your ammunition before you go into war… I mean knowledge is power, am I right? Some people can talk sh**, but can’t take it. These are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT be one of these people. Its how the game works, always be prepared for the backlash of it, because chances are, they will be petty too. Even if you get sensitive about a subject, do not act like it bothers you at all. Put on a smile and go about your petty life, because that is what being petty is. IMPORTANT: if someone makes a valid point publically (especially on social media), you can delete messages and block people for a reason. The gift of deleting and blocking, sets you up so you cannot lose! If it’s NOT on social media, it does not exist. THEREFORE, you didn’t lose the petty battle or you just make it look like you won. THE NUMBER 1 RULE to being petty, is just to OWN IT. It’s what you think, it’s what you say, and it’s who you are. Don’t shy away, EMBRACE THE INNER PETTY. Now I’m going to end this post with one piece of advice, GO LISTEN TO THE PETTY SONG-STARRKEISHA CHEER SQUAD FOR SOME MOTIVATION.

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